I’ve had my share of rough first dates. To save you the trouble of going through your own disasters I wrote some tips I’ve learned from my experiences. It took me a long time to fine tune the perfect first date but I think I’ve nailed it. Hope these tips help.
Before the Date
Make Your Intentions Clear – Let her know it’s a date and not two friends hanging out. You want to stay away from the friend zone as early as possible.
Build Excitement – Build excitement for the date through text days before the date. Just because she’s agreed to a date doesn’t mean you stop talking to her until the big day. Instead keep up a fun conversation anticipating the date. Ask her what she’s going to wear. Joke about what you might wear. Make her look forward to the date.
Plan It – This step is vital. If you fail to prepare, prepare to fail. Plan each step of the date. Where are you meeting her? How are you getting there? What will you do if the date is going well? What will you do if it’s not?
Don’t drive together. I’ve made this mistake before. If you drive together you can’t bail on the date if you’re not feeling it. Have her meet you wherever you’re going.
A dimly lit bar is my favorite spot for a first date. If possible, got to a bar with other bars close by. You can move the date to other bars to keep it interesting. If either of you don’t drink, a coffee shop works as well. It’s a major plus if you go somewhere she’s never been to.
Don’t do a dinner date. No one likes to eat in front of people they barely know. It can be uncomfortable. And if you realize in the first 10 minutes that the two of you aren’t meant to be, you’ll have to wait until your entrée and the check to leave. You should know this by now but don’t do a movie either. You have to interact on the first date.
So you’ve picked the perfect spot and followed all the tips above. Now what? Now we get to the fun part.
Be Confident – Maintain eye contact when you talk. Keep your head up. Speak loudly and clearly. If you catch yourself stumbling over words, take a deep breath and slow it down.
Who Pays? – Some men like paying for everything on a date. Some women hate it when men do that. I have the perfect trick to figure out what she likes. Always buy the first round and say, “I got this round.” This implies she’ll buy the next. If she’s the type of girl that likes to pay her own way, she’ll buy the next round. If she’s the type that likes the guy to pay for everything, you’ll know if she’s not reaching for her wallet when ordering drinks. I don’t have a preference for either one. I don’t mind paying for drinks if the conversation is flowing.
Create a Time Constraint – You can do this the night before or when you meet that night. Tell her you’ll have to end the night early because of other commitments. This does a couple things. First, it makes you look like you’re a busy guy with things going on in your life. Second, it gives you an out. If you’re not into her or vice-versa it’s best if the both of you call it night. Having a time constraint saves everyone’s feelings from being hurt. If she reminds you of the time constraint later in the night you can say you’re having too much fun to end it.
Keep the Conversation Light and Fun – Avoid serious topics like death, exes, illnesses, failures, or anything else that can be negative. If she starts talking about one of these topics, change the direction of the conversation. If she says she can’t stand her job ask her what her dream job was as a child. Ask her what her favorite movie is and why. Ask her what should we do if she saved a billionaire’s life and they rewarded her by paying for a trip to anywhere in the world. Get creative with you conversation topics.
Challenge Her – Don’t agree with everything she says because you think she’ll like you for it. That’s a huge turn-off for women. Stay away from serious topics when challenging her though. If she’s a Republican and you’re a Democrat, challenging her on her beliefs will turn ugly.
Get Physical – Start the date with a hug. Throughout the date touch her on the shoulder, elbow, or arm when appropriate. If you’re telling a funny story touch her lightly when the both of you are laughing. If you want her to see something, touch her back to get her to turn around. But whatever you do, don’t linger. If at any point she moves away from your touch, you’ve lost her. Doing this early on makes getting physical at the end of the night more natural.
End the Date – This may seem irrational but move towards ending the date. If she’s not ready to end the date, she’ll let you know. By ending the date you’re playing hard to get. Most of the time its women that end the date because they don’t want to have sex with someone on the first date. If it’s someone you actually want to build a relationship with you don’t want to make it seem like you’re only after sex. End the date on a good note.
After the Date
Text Her – If you enjoyed the date tell her so. Tell her you would love to do it again sometime. You should be able to tell by her response if she enjoyed herself as well. If you didn’t enjoy the date, thank her for the good time. If she pushes for another date, be honest with her and tell her you’re not interested.
Plan the Next Date – If things went well ask when she’s free again and start planning your next date.
And there it is. It took me years to figure some of these tips out so I hope they help you. If you have your own tips, please feel free to share. We should all be helping each other out. Thanks for reading!