Field Report: Can I retake that shit test?

| December 14, 2014

Women have a way of subconsciously disqualifying men using tests. These subconscious tests are called shit tests. Women test men through snide remarks or revealing questions and filter out men with incongruent personalities. Simply put, women will give you shit and see how you react. Attractive women have plenty of options when it comes to men and shit tests allow them to quickly disqualify the incompatible ones. Common shit tests are, “I have a boyfriend” or “I’m a lesbian.” Your reactions to their shit test will communicate your eligibility as a suitor. If you can pass their little shit tests you’ll spark attraction and interest. Fail a shit test and you’ll quickly find yourself alone or even worse, in the friend zone. I’ve had my share of shit tests with women but my recent test had me contemplating a retake.

This past Friday a couple of friends and I decided to try out a new club a few blocks away from my place. First thing I noticed when I walked in was the abundance of cougars. That bar must be a cougar sanctuary because they were everywhere. Eventually, some younger women started to fill the place. It was like any other night, a lot of drinking and mingling, except for one interaction that stood out from all the others.

We’re standing at the bar, when a pair of cougars approaches. They ordered their drinks and stuck around. My friends are doing their thing with some other women when one of the cougars gives me a bump. I give her a dirty look then smile. She laughs, apologizes and continues talking to her friend. A few moments later, I intentionally bump her and it’s officially on like Donkey Kong. I tell her we’re even and call a truce. After that we vibe for a while on the typical conversations I’ve learned to have with women.

My rules for conversations with women are simple. No boring questions. Keep it light and fun. Asking what she does for a living will never get you anywhere. Like David DeAngelo says, those types of questions don’t build attraction. They build friendly relationships.

We had an amusing conversation until the cougars stepped away for a bathroom break. I thought there was no chance she would be coming back so I rejoined my friends and forgot about her.

Not more than ten minutes had passed when I nearly got tackled. It was the cougar and her friend back for some more. Seeing as she came back, which was an obvious indicator of interest, I decided to escalate the attraction. But, I escalated too quickly. We were talking about her body when I decided to have a feel, a move that may have been too forward if it weren’t for all the flirting we had been doing.

Now this is where things went downhill. She wanted to make it clear that she wasn’t a “hoochie.” She then continued to say that men should always ask a women’s permission before doing anything. This was an obvious shit test that I didn’t recognize at the time. She even said men should always ask a women’s permission to hold her hand. I was dumbfounded. I thought I had offended her so I apologized and promised I’d never touch her again. At that precise moment, around midnight on December 10th, 2010, attraction between the cougar and I, died.


My biggest mistake wasn’t the kino, it was the apology. I went from confident to coward when I promised to never touch her again. If I really offended her she would have walked away to mingle with the dozens of other guys in the club. Instead she stayed and continued the conversation. Her shit test rattled me enough to kill the attraction instantly. What I should have done was continue the confident cocky-funny persona I had started with. Lesson learned. Cougars are dangerous deceptive creatures.